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Pages: What to tell my ren--Need some thoughts [1]
Author Topic: What to tell my ren--Need some thoughts
fasihudd

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2012-05-25 9-54-13-

What to tell my ren--Need some thoughts My ex-wife has not taken steps to refinance or sell our home she now lives in with our x sons. I have been helping her pay the mortgage even though my obligation ended x year ago. son is x the other x. I'm being stretched financially as I keep paying my ex to live in the house with our sons. I can't afford to continue doing this and now must use the courts to enforce the divorce decree as my ex fails to take any action. Our have been through so much. How should I explain to our that the home will be forced on the market? How will I not end up looking as the bad father here? Unless I continue to help pay the mortgage, my ex does not earn enough to pay it herself. She does not even earn enough to qualify for refinance. I feel my will now suffer again what they went through during their pre-teen and teen years. The thought of them losing their home will be shocking. Their mom though expects me to keep paying and she's thewho cheated on me to initiate the divorce. At the same time, this situation is killing me as I struggle to live on my own. My ex has used the to make me feel guilty for years and I guess I let it go on for too long.
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Chi-Keung

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2012-06-05 5-26-29-

What is wrong ... with thosesons of yours x and x years old .. why can't they help pay the mortgage? A job after school or another job after the regular job won't hurt ... otherwise off to the apartment we go. Stand up and have a spine.
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dagostino

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2012-09-07 4-57-35-

it's a Jumbo loan why shouldyoung adults have to take on the responsibility of their irresponsible mother? Just send them out to work to help pay for a huge mortgage payment? There's a Jumbo loan on thee property. So, as soon as someturns x we automatiy force them into something like this? Divorce destroys some more than others and now you think we just let the pain continue? The deserve a chance at enjoying life at their ages...going to school...whatever..but not to be brainwashed by their mom to get a full time job to help her pay for the mortgage?
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christy

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2012-11-09 22-27-32

Oh, quit your friggen whinning! Why can't they come live with you then?
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  • hockin

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    2012-12-28 17-40-23

    omg, please! The should be paying rent in any event. And IMHO, grown don't have a "right" to stay in a nice fancy house with a jumbo loan. I think you could have prepared them better for this eventuality, since you could see that neither of you can afford to keep this house. Offer to let them come live with you if you want them to keep "enjoying life" without a rent payment.
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  • updegrove

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    2013-02-25 5-16-17-

    They are paying Rent and Utilities That's part of the problem. Their mom has convinced them to both work full time and put off school so that she can keep the house. They pay utilities as well. I just don't believe she should have forced them into this position so she could continue to enjoy the home. My name is on the mortgage and my ex wants to go down with the ship and continue to drag me and our down. I don't want the mortgage to go into default either.
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    niehaus

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    2013-03-26 10-02-42

    Your sons are doing the right thing. The mortgage won't last forever. They have a home and their mother has a home. It is only fair for you to ask her to refinance. With three full-time incomes they should be able to qualify to refinance.
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  • potier

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    2013-05-09 19-20-13

    I'm confused... You said you were concerned how the sale of this house would affect the ren... But, in this post you said "I just don't believe she should have forced them into this position so SHE could continue to enjoy the home". Is staying in the home even a priority to them? If it's not, then what is the big deal with selling? If it is, then "she didn't force them into this position so SHE could continue to enjoy the home". They chose to pitch in so they could ALL (ren included) enjoy the home. If you fear the x of you are unable to come up with a solution, then you have no other choice but to sell the house. Your are old enough to understand this, they aren't babies any longer. Life happens - teach them how to solve problems instead of sheltering them. Teach them how important it is to do the "right" thing. Teach them how important credit is. Teach them how to adapt to change. Teach them how to lower their expectations. Teach them it's okay to not have a big fancy house. Teach them they will survive after they have broke free from "status quo". Teach them the power of communication by talking to them and their Mom. Teach them the power of making logical decisions. Teach them that life DOES go on after adversity.
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    otterness

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    2013-06-07 14-05-57

    Yes,,, Oh, how I wish this were the case. Perhaps the judge can order such a meeting where my ex will agree to attend. She won't do it at my request. I've tried mediation and she won't contact the mediator. She will be surprised once she get's her summons. Thank you for the suggestion.
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  • sisti

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    2013-08-14 2-04-25-

    You have your mind made up. You want to take the house from her and the boys. They are willing to work to help her keep the house. Oh well, you are entitled to get your name off the mortgage, I guess. Why can't you just stop paying and let things al My understanding is the support ended when the younger turned x.
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  • quirke

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    2013-10-08 0-06-39-

    If you have been coddling and enabling thoseyoung adults over guilt about the divorce than you are destroying them. Of course they should get jobs and help their mother pay off the mortgage. It would be crazy to lose the house. They are not in school now. They could work and save some money for school. You are fighting the mother (you it "brainwashing" that they should help with the rent??!!) They are young adults not ren. Tell them to get jobs and help their mother.
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    amster

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    2013-11-02 5-46-05-

    that's what they're doing... she has forced them both to work
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  • carella

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    2013-11-23 2-28-07-

    Dude, they are making their own choices
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    lint

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    2013-12-07 7-13-24-

    WHY?!?!? So they don't end up homeless WTF, helped out on the farm from age x in my neck of the woods
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  • deroy

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    2013-12-17 11-14-15

    I agree.
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  • lagace

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    2013-12-26 17-30-00

    sounds like you are a puss. That is why you are asking us about how you can talk to x adults that happen to be your ren.
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  • stege

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    2014-01-02 6-53-42-

    what? the divorce happened from the time they were pre-teens. I was a puss back then when my ex convinced me to let her keep the and house after she cheated on me. I would be crucified on this site if I said my support payments were excessive...You're the same type person that would say..."You should do the right thing and take care of your ... My inaction from the beginning has caused this to happen now because the pain will continue and you must think that ruing the lives of x young men is something funny
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    tassone

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    2014-01-08 10-17-33

    They are men! Let them be men! Dude, it's time for them to grow up. Let them grow up and quit treating them like babies!
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  • clair

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    Posts: 58

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    2014-01-08 14-35-30

    First, you would be applauded here if you said your support payments were excessive. You must not hang around much. And second, you are HARDLY ruining their lives by forcing them to move out or move in with you or move into a smaller place with their mom.
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    accurso

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    2014-01-12 5-10-35-

    You're so wrong my ex has forced my sons to both work full time. I have MS and my health condition is worsening and I have no help. I'm just looking for some kind people here..
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  • yacono

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    2014-01-12 9-11-41-

    It seems... like you are not capable to figure this out on your own .. I will do my best to help. This is the scoop... Your sons are adults .. and they cannot be forced to do something they do not want to do ... sounds like they are quite comfy in that large house with a jumbo. All you need to do ... is to enforce the divorce decree to have the refinancing done .. a lawyer if necessary ... get your name off the mortgage ... and let your ex-wife andsons figure out the rest. If they can pay for the mortgage ... well then they can stay ... if they cannot ... then they need to sell ... if they don't, still no need to worry, they bank will take care of that. If your problem is, as you stated in your original post, how to break this news to yourgrown sons ... then my friend, you are the problem, not them.
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    louie

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    2014-01-13 23-27-25

    HA! You are so in the wrong place! go to the health forum or some MS chat room. You might get more sympathy there if thats what your looking for. Your posts are starting to get confusing anyway.
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    upright

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    2014-01-19 10-49-57

    You're just short sighted You don't realize there's more to any situation than what was stated. You're the last person I want sympathy from
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    fitzgerald

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    2014-01-20 4-39-18-

    Well, good! At least we're on the same page! Cause your not getting any from me.
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    rascoe

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    2014-01-20 22-49-15

    I'm sorry that you are ill. I am very sorry to hear that your condition is worsening. You should not have to be paying the mortgage since there are three adults living there. You are within your rights to stop paying so just do that. They can figure out how to make the payments between them. Is your ex-wife working?
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    adamson

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    2014-01-21 15-18-56

    MY GOD MAN! Did you leave your balls in her purse too? My son just turned x, support stopped, so he got a job and is paying half the rent with me. Andof your sons is x? Watch out or he'll turn out just like you...............
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    babetta

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    2014-01-22 20-19-11

    Your ren... are not pre-teens, teens, or unable to understand how life works. I understand your wanting to "protect" them from unneccessary pain. I can only imagine a portion of your drive to do so comes from feeling guilty about the divorce. The problem is, they are now x and x years old. Life happens - this should be the lesson you are teaching them. They are old enough to understand finances and economics. The conversation should go something like this: "Boys, I love you both and have always done anything possible to ensure your happiness. In the past I have been financially able to help your mother so she could keep this house for you - it was important to both of us. Unfortunately, finances have changed and it's gotten to the point I am no longer able to do so. At this point, a decision has to be made. Since I am no longer to do so, and your Mother isn't either, the house needs to be sold. I realize this is unfortunate and it will mean your moving/adjusting, etc., but there is nothing more I can do." From there, the boys, and their Mother may want to brainstorm ideas on how to avoid having to sell the house. The are x and x - do they work/attend school? CAN they help out? If they are not attending school but do work, why can't they help? Isn't it a good lesson for them also to learn that "adults pay their own way in life"? Wouldn't they have to pay rent somewhere else? If staying in this house is THAT important to them, they should be able to pitch in. Between the x of you, you may be able to come up with a solution other than selling the house. In addition, is their Mom doing everything in her power to keep the house? Does she work? Can she get a xnd job, etc.? Again, your ren aren't babies. You can't protect them from "life". If you shelter them all your life, they will not be able to cope with adulthood when they are no longer sheltered. Personally, if there is nothing else that can be done and the house DOES have to go on the market, this is a valuable lesson to learn for them.
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  • bors

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    2014-01-23 21-49-44

    You're Right Thank you. I just let this go on for too long. Their mom is uncooperative and she has convinced the boys to work full time and she has them doing everything possible to help pay for utilities, etc... But, thank you for your very kind advice. My health condition has been getting worse and is deteriorating from having MS...and I'm just at a bad point right now... Thank you for bringing some clarity for me.
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    giorgi

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    2014-01-24 11-54-02

    If she can't refiance then you are going to be stuck paying for the mortgage regardless of the divorce decree. So you are either going to have to bit the bullet and keep paying, let it go into foreclosure, short sale, or regular sale.
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